Whiney little white girl.

Look, I'm sorry. Ive been meaning to catch you up on this, and I wish I could say that i've been super busy doing really cool things, but actually, I've just been working a lot and taking some super excellent naps.

Basically, I feel like this:





I work too hard-uh.


But I feel like Pearl. I neeeed my moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. And I'm just as cute, and I swear we wear the same size dress.
Not really, I mean, I know people work totes harder than me all the time, but holy crap.
With that being said, I must say that I hate the Spurs. And Spurs fans.

I know that you shouldnt use the word hate, but this time it necessary.

1. I dont have Bud Lite on tap.
2. I have never had Bud Lite on tap.
3. When I tell you we only have bottles of Bud products, I'm not lying.
4. I am going to add a gratuity to you, even if its only you and your little ninos.
5. Screaming and clapping and yelling "LOS SPURS" makes me hate you even more.
6. They cannot hear you when you cheer like that. Only the people sadly trapped in this building with you can.
7. Leaving me a STD tip (Standard Two Dollar) is not going to cut it, buster.
8. MAVS>SPURS. I'll be happy to see you lose the series tonight. Suckers.


Also, I think the aliens are here. This is what was in the sky over central Texas yesterday:

Aliens are smart enough to disguise their spacecraft as clouds, I'm sure. Either that or there was an atomic bomb that went off and were all actually dead but don't know it.

Zombieland2011.

I really don't have time to write as much as I'd like, because the chicken factory needs me. IT NEEDS ME.

But, rest assured I will be updating in the next 24 hours.



That is, unless I get scooped up by ET. Or Zeus.

Go Rangers, BTW.

Okay, one more story:

Over the weekend I went to meet up with one of my dear friends that I havent seen in probably close to two years, and once I got there and got the Lonestar ordered he informed me that two Canadian girls that were staying with his parents would be joining us.

I accepted the information, but was slightly confused.


For those of you who have never worked in the service industry, when someone says "I have a table full of Canadians" we're not actually talking about people from Canada. It means there are black people at the table.

I did not make up this phrase, nor do I know who is responsible for this terminology, but it's just fact.

So you can imagine my surprise when two beautiful white girls showed up and sat down. I could barely contain myself long enough for them to get situated before I leaned over and said, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BLACK GIRLS! THESE ARE ACTUAL CANADIANS!"

Which sparked his need to tell these girls about our use of "Canadian" and they were not only super confused, but mildly offended.

We spent the next hour trying to A. Make things not so awkward. B. Explain that it wasn't meant to be degrading to either party, it's just the server lingo.


I'm pretty sure they're never coming back to Texas. Or America.


I need to get my drink on.