I'd still pick you.

I know we have beat you down with TDS. (Terrible Dad Stories)

Like that one time in 3rd grade when I broke my arm at school, had Pawpaw pick me up and take care of me until you got there to take me home... where you promptly turned on cartoons and told me that IF and ONLY IF my arm still hurt after you took a shower.. THEN you would take me to the hospital.


My arm was broken. I had to wear a cast for months.

Turns out bones dont heal in the time it takes you to shower for the 97th time that day.

BUT, I must say, even after all of our TDS I would still pick you for a Dad.


I hope you know that I truly enjoy spending time with you at the Bingo hall when I come in town and like that you invite me each time you go.

Even when you made me suffer through Staph lady, make fun of me for the amount of tea I suck down, and the fact that I can't seem to get the "wild numbers" covered fast enough before the game starts... I'd still pick you for a Dad.

I owe it to you for my overwhelming sense of confidence, and sense of humor. Two things that are a big part of who I am, so thank you for that.

And I even owe these long, lean legs to you. Thank you for building me like a brick house. Even though I am stumpy and have the muscles of a body builder all because of you, I would still pick you for a Dad.

I have many fun memories from when I was little of riding on the hood of the car down the alley with all 3 of my sisters, going to ride go-karts, "mexican wall"- even though I was too little to actually play, I would still like to cheer you on.

I remember all the times I would call you at the firestation at night and ask you to bring me donut holes in the morning and being so excited when I would see them on the kitchen table waiting for me when I woke up.

I still eat donut holes like their going out of style.

I also need to thank you for the many years you put up with me paging you with "911911911911" because I wanted you to call me so I could come over.

Thank you for many nights at Nickel Mania. I still have a very fond memory of being there with you.

Thank you for letting me drive around with you delivering during your short time at the florist. You used to always let me buy Red Bulls (which I still drink) and let me listen to KissFM and never complained about it.

"Just The Two of Us" by Will Smith and "All Right Now" by Free remind me of you and I and the years after the divorce and how much closer we became.

Sitting here thinking of all the great times we have had and the great Dad you have been to me and E&C, I can say that I am pretty lucky to have you as a Pops. I wish I could be there to go to lunch with you guys this weekend, but I know I will see you soon.


Thanks for all you do, King Daddy Rabbit. I love you too much, and cannot put into words how much you mean to me. 22 years and I would ABSOLUTELY, 1000% still pick you for a Dad.

Heres to 60000 more Fathers Days with you. You my best.


"Samas"
Love, Doozer

She has created a monster. Make it two.

I am a successful, responsible person.

• I wake myself up in the morning afternoon.
• I brush my own teeth, wipe my own behind.
• I do my own laundry when I have completely run out of 'draws.
• I pay my bills on time.
• I go to work at a place that would make Satan's furnished hotel look like a paradise.
• I make good grades.
• I dont fail classes.
• None of the kids I have ever watched after have ever died. (Side note: I did fall asleep one time babysitting 3 kids and was only awakened and caught by THEIR MOM when she came home to grab something. Oops)

I DO GROWN UP STUFF.

My sister (1 of 4) is also a successful, responsible person. ACTUALLY MORE SO THAN I.. since her list actually matters and requires more than a 7th grade IQ.

• She is the proud mother of two special four legged furry creatures that only a mother and their Aunt Bells (thats me) could love.
• She is a teacher and has never had one of her baby Sweet-N-Lows fail the dreadful TAKS test.
• She is married to like a super stud.
• She ALWAYS got the 35 gallon jug of apple juice down for me when I politely asked for it when I was little. She actually did it so many times that she now HATES the smell of apple juice. (Sorry.)
• She never let me look like a complete reject when I was growing up. Except for this one time when she LIED to me and said that "Copper Key" was a really cool brand and all of her really cool friends were wearing it so I should stop being a brat in JC Pennys and settle on this sweet swag made by Copper Key. Liar.

Anyway, those lists are pretty trivial and don't really prove my point, but what I am trying to say is that my momma has raised her two little baby chicks into two pretty rockin' chickens.


Except for one HUUUUUUUGE problem:


We depend on our Momma for everything.

Have you ever listened to your friends and they say something like "Oh, I haven't talked to my mom in like 2 weeks, we don't talk much except for when its important." Or "Oh man, my mom is calling, what could she need from me now?!"

And then you make that face where your chin falls into your neck and your bottom lip sneaks up behind your top teeth and you try to decide whether or not you're going to tell your friend that you actually talk to your mom like... oh.. I dont know.. 27 times a day?

No?

Not you?

Well then you certainly are not one of my mom's daughters.


It dawned on me just now when I called her to ask her if my eggs that said "Sell by June 11" are still good, and if I can eat them without the possibility of dying.

To which she responded: "I love that my kids need me, if I was dead, your sister would be sleeping on a rock and you would be eating rotten food."

You see, Channana, my sister, once called my mom to ask her what pillows were good to buy and had a mild breakdown when my mom wasn't answering her phone. It's not that C didn't know what kind of pillows felt good on her noggin she just needed the "Go ahead" from the mothership.

Common sense would tell me that these eggs are fine, it is in face June of 11, and they have infact been sold by said date so that means, it's fine. It didnt say "CONSUME IN JUNE OF 11 AND YOU WILL DIIEEE"

Nope.

But I just needed my Ma to tell me it was okay to do.

One time I had to buy 2 pillows because mine were funky and my mom was on an airplane flying back to Texas and couldn't be reached, but that didn't matter to me. I stood there in Marshalls, pillows up under each armpit dialing my moms number over and over and getting voicemail each time. Finally I called C to ask her if it was stupid to buy 2 super fabulous pillows for $16.00 total.

We put our heads together and figured that yes, this is probably A-OK to do, and I should just do it. If I tell mom later and she says I am stupid for doing it I will fishtail back to the store and slingshot those pillows back at the clerk and demand all my hard earned $16 back.

Anytime I fight with my roommates- Call Mom.
Anytime C is upset- Call Mom.
Cant decide on a pair of shoes?- Call Mom.
Don't feel good?-Call Mom (even though she is hours away from both of us)
Bored?-Call Mom.
Need to look busy on the phone?-Call Mom.
Job sucks?-Call Mom.
Person at work made me mad-Call Mom.


This has become such an issue that last week when I was getting my nails done with my mom the lady said "Oh I always know that when her phone rings, its either you or your sister! You two always call your mom."



Shut up lady, I know.


So, this one is for you, LindaAnnChasteenMayeurEvittsNovakRochaBobOboboboOb1kanobe,

You have created some needy little monsters, and you LOVE IT.


 Thats just sick.

Things come full circle, don't they?

I am thankful for many things in my life- my wonderful friends, my beautiful family, my health, my sick dance moves, and most of all my super special ability to make God chuckle from time to time.


That's really my only explination for the things that happen in my life.

We all remember Short Stack, right? The babyfoot dangler that didn't quite "measure up" well, obviously I quickly ended that romance because I don't want my future children to be circus midgets. And by "ended the romance" I mean I never spoke to him again or answered any of his Facebook messages, texts, or emails.

"Hi, Hope your doing well. Did I do something bad on the date that you don't want to talk to me again. Cuz i thought you were really cool person to get to no. Well hope to hear from you again."

-Okay, other than your terrible grammar and lack of punctuation skills, you are a liar. You are not 5'8. You are 5'3. Maybe... on a good day... standing on a phone book.

It was ONE date. I would think that if someone doesn't contact me after the date, I would get the point and move on. Ive been blown off before, it's okay. It happens. Don't continue to make me feel bad for you.


Well, this past weekend my family came down and we spent the whole weekend playing in Austin and enjoying time together. Yesterday, my mom and I spent the whole day walking around, picking up little snacks, drinking wine and checking out the little stores. Our last stop was a mexican restuarant that I had never been in to, but it seemed to look okay. We walked in, put our name on the list, walked to the bar and WHO WALKS RIGHT UP TO ME?!

Thats right, Mr. Small Fry himself.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

Uhhh, sorry, I don't have a cell phone anymore, or a Facebook, or a computer so I havent actually been blowing you off, I just decided to move into a cave after our date.

No, that wont work. I had my phone in my hand, and I update my fb status regularly.


So, I just smiled, gave him a hug and looked him RIGHT IN THE EYE (cuz were the same height) and said, "See you around, talk to you later!"

Im a liar. Bad move, Cinderella.

As we all know, the MAVERICKS WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP last night so naturally I sent a shout out to the guy that I took to the Texans game... remember? The one who broke up with me because I said if we were together that he probably shouldn't be together with other people? Yeah that one. He's a Spurs fan (stupid) and bet me $100 and his friend bet me $35 that the Mavs would lose.

WELL BOOM BABY. I sent them a shoutout that said "Hey stupidboy#1 that'll be $100, and stupidboysfriend that will be $35 from you! GO MAVS GO.

And what happens next? Poor little 1/2 Stack of Pancakes "likes" my status.

He knows I don't live in a cave, knows I have a phone, knows I check my Facebook but DOESNT KNOW WHY THINGS AREN'T GONNA WORK OUT BETWEEN US, MIJO!


Continuing down Awkward Lane-

Last night StepMutta sent me a text and the conversation went a little something like this:

Her: Are you watching this?
Me: Mavs game?
Her: Yep.
Me: You betcha.
Her: Are you working? From the Father figure
Me: Nope, laying in bed like a slug.
Her: I told your dad that and he says: "Like a slut?" nice.
Me: Definitely. Thanks, Dad.
Me: Just being "receptive and open"

My Dad is a creep, with a hearing problem.

Last time I was in Dtown we had a discussion about why I am single and he said that my problem is two things:
1. I have WAYY too high of a self esteem. (A direct gene from him, I might add)
2. I am not open and receptive enough to people that like me and want to take me out.

I don't think that's what he meant by open and receptive, but I would have never in a zillion years say the word slut to my father, much less in reference to myself. Dumbdumb.


And I might have a sky high self esteem but I refuse to be with anything less than fabulous.

Im a fabulous person, YA HEAR?