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I didn't anticipate having something to blog about so soon, but there is something I need to share.
I am a genius and signed up for 8:00am classes on Tuesday/Thursday and 9:00am on MWF. I hate mornings. I used to instantly come up with a chronic deadly disease as soon as I woke up when I lived with my mom. It rarely ever passed inspection and when I was even half way believeable she would say "Okay, just go to school for a little bit, if you still feel bad by lunch, I'll come get you."
Im stupid and fell for it all the time and of course by lunch I was over being tired and grouchy that I stayed all day. Moms are so smart.. Tricky mindreaders.
Anyway, back to the story, I have a 9:00 class every MWF and the attendance policy is pretty strict so I have to go. But I don't go without a slight protest. I roll out of bed at 8:15 sometimes :17, brush my teeth, find some pants, slather on some deodorant, throw in a ponytail, maybe a headband if I'm feeling fancy and I'm usually ready by 8:25. I have to leave my house by 8:30 to find parking. I am quick, people.
Oh, did I mention that my hair is almost always beyond dirty? I like to refer to it as bacon head. Its a real cute look, and the only makeup I put on is the eyebrow liner I use to fill in my nonexsistant 'brows. No one wants to look like a greasy cancer patient, not even me.
And before you ask, I don't even pluck my eyebrows. I only have about 7 of them and their bleach blond. Get off me, I wouldn't chose to have to chola my eyebrows if I didnt have to.
OKAY- so Ive made it to class without making eyecontact with anyone and find my seat and just like clockwork my teacher starts on time with "Does anyone have any positives to share?"
Now, this sounds like a great way to start your morning, by thinking of the positive things going on and to hear how other people are having positive days..
Except it's not. Not to me. And not at 9:00am.
The girl who, on the first day, told the class she was a selfproclaimed "front row junkie" and spilled her coffee everywhere almost always has a great story to tell. EVERY MORNING. Now, this wouldn't bother me if it was something along the lines of, "I found $20 today, or I got engaged last night." Or even, "I decided to get a spill proof container so I wont spill stuff and act a fool." But it's never that simple.
It goes a little something like this:
Teacher: "So, does anyone have a positive to share?"
Front row junkie (FRJ): UM YES! I have a positive!
Teacher realizing this is the only person that has their hand at full attention in the air, is reluctant but allows this to happen anyway..
FRJ: Today, well, this morning before I came to class. (DUH) I was asleep in my bed (Good thing you weren't in your closet, or outside, stupid) and my cat Harvey woke me up by purring and putting his tail in my face and it woke me up with a smile.
Now, this is about the time I slammed my head on the desk. What part of that story is A. a positive or B. useful for anyone else to hear? And to top it all off, I hate cats so that would be the biggest negative if that happend to me. Sick.
A few more people shared their positives, like one girl said that after class today she gets to go to the doctor and find out the gender of her baby. Alright, girl, that is infact a positive. Good for you. Gold star, you pass.
Another girl said that her brother is coming home from over seas from the military. Again, bravo, that is a good thing. Quite a positive. I love America and I love babies. Both of you pass.
AND THEN FRJ's lightbulb sparks up again and her poorly manicured hand shoots towards the sky and she says, "Today is the day that I have to be on campus and at school for 11 straight hours. EELLEEVEENN straight hoursssss. (She was kinda dragging this out.) But, I'm gonna do it with a smile on my face!" ::Chuckle chuckle, snort, awkward laugh::
You dumb, dumb, unfortunate soul. If I wasn't so tired and lazy I would surely raise my hand and tell you that you're an idiot because YOU KNOW THAT ISN'T A POSITIVE. And you WILL NOT be smiling later on. Actually, Im gonna super stalk her one day and she better have all of her pearly whites shining through all day.
Why do you need to hear yourself talk everyday, Front row junkie? You're really annoying people like me. And me most importantly. She has also shared somehow that she is 32 years old.
God bless the children that end up in your classroom one day. I hope you have a football field length classroom so you can train all your furture FRJ's of the nation.
Peace out, girlscout.
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