Trust no man with a rat tail.

It has been brought to my attention that this is "my type" of guy:

Juicehead gorilla douchebag.

Big and stupid.

But so strong.. (ish)

Some downfalls of liking a swollja-

1. The amount of time the two of you will spend in the mirror looking at his muscles.

2. The amount of time you two will spend looking at a new vein that appeared.

3. The amount of time that you, alone will spend feeding the ego of these muscle retards.

Its exhausting.

And kind of stupid.

And I dont think I will ever understand why a bulging vein is a good thing...?

You look like the Hulk.

But you know, we have all been guilty of wearing rose colored glasses and when you're caught up in a relationship, you try to talk yourself into accepting things that normally wouldn't fly.

Eh, he doesn't know how to spell... its okay, that just means ILL always be the smart one. Maybe hes good at math.

He is losing his hair at 20... no.. thats fine... I like bald.. bald is good.

He doesn't have a job... of the tax paying/non felony kind....

Okay, thats... okay... he can just.. uh.. make his own hours?

The first time he told me he loved me was right after I ripped a loud fart on accident..

(Okay, yeah, I didnt catch on to that until way after the fact. That shoulda been a red flag to our love. HA!)

Anyway--

Sometimes, I even surprise myself. Recently I started dating a guy that I have known for a while. Completely not my type, we're kind of the same size..

No big muscles other than mine in this story.

But I thought, It'll be fine.. really.. hes a nice guy and maybe "my type" isn't  good time considering I am single and spend way too much time buying my own drinks at a bar.

OKAY so, I gave it a go.

I mean a real go!

I even got the mind trickery down.

Its fine that he was a theatre major. Its a little gay. But maybe he had a good purpose for it.

Its TOTALLY fine that he drives a car that looks like this:

(Not kidding. His rear is covered in stickers.)

Even though he has a freakin' cat, I really like this guy.. Who cares if I can't ever breathe or see when I am at his house? I can deal with this.

But let me tell you at what point I knew I should just throw in the towel.

I met up with said theatre master after he had gotten off work and much to my surprise

He had pulled his curly nappy hair into a ponytail and the first word that came to my mind was

RAT TAIL.

So then I started to question what the ef I was doing in this mess.

And shortly after things went straight to Hell.

We went on a float on which he told me

1. He has feelings for my roommate.

2. He thinks my blogs are stupid.

3. I am insecure around asian women because I kissed him in front of one.

And several other really sweet things.

So then it hit me?

WHAT IN  GODS SWEET NAME are you doing with a man who spends his money on bumper stickers, cat food, and hair ties?

So, I ended it, obvi. No man of mine is going to challenge me for most beautiful hair.

And I hate cats.

And I have a cool car, and yours looks like a unstable stay at home soccer mom's.

And you're tiny.

And last but not least....

WHAT IS STUPID ABOUT MY BLOG NOW?

Silly boys, don't they know I will always win?