She has created a monster. Make it two.

I am a successful, responsible person.

• I wake myself up in the morning afternoon.
• I brush my own teeth, wipe my own behind.
• I do my own laundry when I have completely run out of 'draws.
• I pay my bills on time.
• I go to work at a place that would make Satan's furnished hotel look like a paradise.
• I make good grades.
• I dont fail classes.
• None of the kids I have ever watched after have ever died. (Side note: I did fall asleep one time babysitting 3 kids and was only awakened and caught by THEIR MOM when she came home to grab something. Oops)

I DO GROWN UP STUFF.

My sister (1 of 4) is also a successful, responsible person. ACTUALLY MORE SO THAN I.. since her list actually matters and requires more than a 7th grade IQ.

• She is the proud mother of two special four legged furry creatures that only a mother and their Aunt Bells (thats me) could love.
• She is a teacher and has never had one of her baby Sweet-N-Lows fail the dreadful TAKS test.
• She is married to like a super stud.
• She ALWAYS got the 35 gallon jug of apple juice down for me when I politely asked for it when I was little. She actually did it so many times that she now HATES the smell of apple juice. (Sorry.)
• She never let me look like a complete reject when I was growing up. Except for this one time when she LIED to me and said that "Copper Key" was a really cool brand and all of her really cool friends were wearing it so I should stop being a brat in JC Pennys and settle on this sweet swag made by Copper Key. Liar.

Anyway, those lists are pretty trivial and don't really prove my point, but what I am trying to say is that my momma has raised her two little baby chicks into two pretty rockin' chickens.


Except for one HUUUUUUUGE problem:


We depend on our Momma for everything.

Have you ever listened to your friends and they say something like "Oh, I haven't talked to my mom in like 2 weeks, we don't talk much except for when its important." Or "Oh man, my mom is calling, what could she need from me now?!"

And then you make that face where your chin falls into your neck and your bottom lip sneaks up behind your top teeth and you try to decide whether or not you're going to tell your friend that you actually talk to your mom like... oh.. I dont know.. 27 times a day?

No?

Not you?

Well then you certainly are not one of my mom's daughters.


It dawned on me just now when I called her to ask her if my eggs that said "Sell by June 11" are still good, and if I can eat them without the possibility of dying.

To which she responded: "I love that my kids need me, if I was dead, your sister would be sleeping on a rock and you would be eating rotten food."

You see, Channana, my sister, once called my mom to ask her what pillows were good to buy and had a mild breakdown when my mom wasn't answering her phone. It's not that C didn't know what kind of pillows felt good on her noggin she just needed the "Go ahead" from the mothership.

Common sense would tell me that these eggs are fine, it is in face June of 11, and they have infact been sold by said date so that means, it's fine. It didnt say "CONSUME IN JUNE OF 11 AND YOU WILL DIIEEE"

Nope.

But I just needed my Ma to tell me it was okay to do.

One time I had to buy 2 pillows because mine were funky and my mom was on an airplane flying back to Texas and couldn't be reached, but that didn't matter to me. I stood there in Marshalls, pillows up under each armpit dialing my moms number over and over and getting voicemail each time. Finally I called C to ask her if it was stupid to buy 2 super fabulous pillows for $16.00 total.

We put our heads together and figured that yes, this is probably A-OK to do, and I should just do it. If I tell mom later and she says I am stupid for doing it I will fishtail back to the store and slingshot those pillows back at the clerk and demand all my hard earned $16 back.

Anytime I fight with my roommates- Call Mom.
Anytime C is upset- Call Mom.
Cant decide on a pair of shoes?- Call Mom.
Don't feel good?-Call Mom (even though she is hours away from both of us)
Bored?-Call Mom.
Need to look busy on the phone?-Call Mom.
Job sucks?-Call Mom.
Person at work made me mad-Call Mom.


This has become such an issue that last week when I was getting my nails done with my mom the lady said "Oh I always know that when her phone rings, its either you or your sister! You two always call your mom."



Shut up lady, I know.


So, this one is for you, LindaAnnChasteenMayeurEvittsNovakRochaBobOboboboOb1kanobe,

You have created some needy little monsters, and you LOVE IT.


 Thats just sick.