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If you're asking yourself if the only reason that I am updating is because I have more terrible dates to share, you are correct.
I still haven't learned my lesson with online dating, but being surrounded by kinderslimes and women all day doesn't open up many opportunities to meet these awesome, eligible bachelors my mom swears are hanging around juuuust out of my reach.
So back to the interwebs I went.
This was reignited because I had 3 friends get engaged in a 48 hour period.
WHICH, by the way, I'd like to mention, all of those women are COMPLETELY OUT OF THEIR MIND, HANGING FROM THE LAMPSHADE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR crazy.
Not that they're crazy for being engaged, they're engaged because they're crazy. I have a theory that the more out of touch with reality you are, the more people want to wife you right up.
I'm just too normal. Thats the problem.
This Hot Mess Express was engaged once… just saying.
Back to the story.. I have many, but I will only share one tonight.
On match, I started messaging back and forth with this man who is about 8 years older.
Works in a bank. Seems like a pretty vanilla, regular guy. Fair enough.
He decides texting is easier than messaging, to which I agree and we begin texting. This is day two of either of us knowing the other exists on the planet.
Him: Hey it's Ben😜👊 Dang I'm dragging this morning!!!
Me: Good morning- Me too. I couldn't sleep last night, so today will be a tough one.
Him: Coffee👌
Me: Definitely. No kids today, so I think it'll be manageable.
Him: Awe I see. I'll def be going to bed early tonight!
Me: Yes, me too! That's my plan at least. I tried to last night, but you would have thought it was Christmas Eve. Nothing was working. Too excited to go to work.
Him: Dang that was a cold drive. I'm so sore today, I played racquetball on Saturday and now I'm dying!🙈👎
Me: Yikes! It feels good to be sore though.
Him: Scar from racquetball!
Me: (trying not to puke) Haha, looks like you need some better shoes.
Him: Haha I know. Im going shopping wednesday for some.
My toe hurts so bad today! I know you aren't suppose to pop them but I did lol. Instant relief.
EXCUSE ME.
You have only had my number for a few hours and you not only emoji'd me to death, but you SENT A PICTURE OF YOUR FUNKY ASS FEET and then told me you POPPED IT?
Goodbye, Blister Ben. Better luck next time, you sick pup.
