If you can't beat em, join em.

Just a couple of babes on the water.

Til death do us part

At Walmart.

Life in kinder world.

Yesterday I had:
A tooth fall out
A child wet their pants
One fall off the jungle gym
Lots of fights
Two new kids
Two kids get sent to the office.
One of my babes has a 6 inch BRAIDED rat tail.



And they call me "Ms. Seven"
close enough, right?



2 days down.

Elephants

Dear family of wild elephants that just moved in upstairs,

This is your only warning. Things will get crazy. Wanna get wild? Let's get wild. Otherwise. SHUT UP. You're making my dog bark.

A few reasons why I'll probably never be a mother.

Let me first say that I love babies. All of them. Including that bald headed baby, Truly from Sister Wives. I love them. All. I'll play with yours if you want me to, ask me anytime.


However.

After being fortunate enough to intern in a few classrooms over my college career I've discovered that these sweet little jelly roll, gummy smile babies grow up to be awkward sized, wit deficient children that are missing teeth, growing new boobs that thee moms don't want to accept so they don't buy them a bra, B.O inconsiderate jerks.


I will not babysit your tween. After about the age of 6 all children are goofy looking and highly irritating. Call me again when they aren't packing lunchables

Also, I have been watching a lot of baby birthing stories on TV (daytime television is tough) and let me tell you, childbirth is a horrendous act of love. I don't understand how we can fly to the moon, clone animals and use lazers to cut into peoples eye balls but we can it find a better way to get that 8 lb slime covered raisin out of your body. AND WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING? Cut it out. I'll let you see when the baby is out, no midnight premiers.

Also, the whole, push the baby out then put it right in my face act? Don't think I have forgotten where that thing has been paying rent for the last 9 months. Gross.

I was surfing one of my favorite blogs, barefoot foodie, and saw this crazy thing.

Nosefrida The Snotsucker, the doctor-developed and doctor-recommended nasal aspirator is the new standard in keeping babies naturally snot free. Ingeniously simple Swedish design features a tube that is placed against the nostril (not inside). Parents use their own suction to draw mucus out of their child's nose. Disposable filters prevent any bacterial transfer. Nosefrida is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, and BPA and Phthalate free. It is superior to the bulb aspirator, presents no risk or harm to internal nasal structures and is dramatically more efficacious.

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

Now not only do I have to change you, feed you, not forget you anywhere, wake up with you, but NOW I have to get your snot out of your underdeveloped nose with MY MOUTH?


Instapuke.

Ever feel

Do you ever feel like your heart might burst right out of your chest because you have just caught yourself thinking about how blessed you are? And how much you love you family and friends?



Today, my heart is bursting.

Steppapasito.

It's been awhile...


I've been busy with school, cranking out another 4.0...


Nothing exciting going on in my life, but I've got more time to write now


Today is a perfect day to kick off a new series in blog land, and what better way than to send a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Stepdad, Dave.


Thanks for being such a great stepdad and taking care of my mama bear. I hope you're having the best day, because you deserve it!! I couldnt have picked a better stepdad, friend, and occasional pain in the butt. You're da bomb, man. Here's to you! Love you!


-Belladonna.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhp9LQOlKec&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Superhero

I had a wonderful weekend with my family and all the pups. They are so crazy together. I love it.

Came home and realized that I must have a superpower.


I must be the ONLY person who can see where the mess goes when you spill something.


I just spent 20 minutes scrubbing out the fridge because the wine bladder peed all over the place leaving a beautiful, sticky, maroon funk all over the place...


and..
                dribbling
                                     down

                                           the door      
                                                          all
                                                             the way
                                                                   to the
                                                                              tile.


Gross.


Then there is tuna in the sink.


Do I need to describe the smell?



18 cups on the coffee table.



WHO IS THAT THIRSTY?


What is this? Some kind of cup party? Who didn't invite me? Why didn't I get invited?


Probably because I'm that old annoying mom that chases people around with coasters and reminding them of the dangers of water rings.


What would you do without me?

Blame DAL cleaning service, if you want.



Then there is the random black spots on the floor in the kitchen/entry way. Where do those come from? Why am I the only one to see them?

I literally feel like a strung out crackhead taking out my Lysol wipes and scrubbing the apartment.




Whatever.



I have no clean wine glasses so I am drinking out of a plastic cup.


Cheers, friends.

UPDATE- An email I just received.

Hey Everyone! 
So here is what everyone will be doing for the class meeting (angelia I hope you are okay with what you are doing). 

Angelia-Welcoming everyone
Kelsey-Forming the circle
Jamie-Feelings
Amanda-Activities
Katie-Agenda Box
Kellie-Closing the meeting 

Do you want to stay for a few minutes after our morning class tomorrow to touch bases and talk everything out so we are prepared for next wednesday? See everyone tomorrow!
-Katie 


Wait a minute....
...




Amanda-Activities
Katie-Agenda Box
Kellie-Closing the meeting 


Closer look....
...
Kellie-Closing the meeting 




WHO THE HECK IS KELLIE?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Happy Stinkin' Valentine's Day.

And iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (eee Iiii) will always love yoooouuuu...


Too soon?


Sorry.

But it seems tragically ironic.

Let me just start by saying that today has been a very productive day. I went to class, exchanged my valentine with a classmate, got mine in return which was sweet except... "Happy Valentines Day, Kelly"


That is not my name.

Nothing annoys me more than when people spell my name wrong, ESPECIALLY when it is:
Written correctly on Facebook
Spelled correctly on the email I just sent
OR ON THE CLASS ROSTER FOR YOUR REFERENCE.

Whatever, this happens more than I can count but seriously. Stop it.

After class I went tanning (if you cant tone it, tan it) then I took my little yoga pants butt to the gym and worked off  my entire bag of Gummy Savers I devoured last night. Oops.

That went fine, felt pretty good, came home, took my car to the dealership to get the estimate done.

Estimate? For what, you ask?

Someone rear-ended the 'Stang when I was in Dallas. Now, most people would be really upset by this, but I was not for several reasons.

1. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE A WRECK I WAS INVOLVED IN WAS NOT MY FAULT.
(Thank you, baby Jesus dressed as cupid)
2. The damage is not bad at all.
3. The guy was totally nice about it and I didn't have any reason to yell at him for rear ending me on my almost birthday.

Back to today. Came home to the junkyard and told myself that I would sit at my table and get my homework done before I ever turned on the TV.

Which went beautifully for 2/3 of my homework.

I wrote a wonderfully worded reflection of my week in 4th grade and was trying to save it when a moment of babylowdumb took over and when it asked "would you like to save changes to reflection 1"

I

clicked

no.


And in a flash my whole thing was gone.


So, here I am. Back to the title of the page "REFLECTION 1" and I almost have zero motivation to crank this whole dang thing out again because it was RIGHT THE FIRST STINKIN TIME I DID IT.

But no.

I will write a second reflection.

Much like the first.


Just a little remix.

My lips are chapped. Nothing worse than some crusty crust lips when you're trying to concentrate.


And also on the topic of cupid love day, while I think it is precious of you to ask me: who my date is, how many boys are trying to take me out, where my hot date is taking me tonight, how many valentines I got today...
Im gonna have to ask you to use your hat rack about this one.



Chronically single and I dont give anyone the time of day except my sweet little snowpea, Bogie.

So that means no, funny guy. I do not have a balemtime today. Unless you count harness wearing chihuahuas and in that case, I have a wonderful, loving, cuddly boy to hang out with today.


And he is totally cool with watching Teen Mom tonight and me wearing sweatpants.



There. Fine. I finished my reflection. I felt like I should have added that this was my second shot at doing it and it should totes count as two, but I refrained.


Annnndd that will complete my brain dump of bloggy things to say today.

Lubeachutterrsss...

Annnddd off again.

And less than 12 hours later... I am off the 'Proud Of' list.


Forgot to call ze Stepmom on the day her birthing.



Coulda sworn it was the 3rd.




I suck.


Happiest Birthday Laura, one for today... And I'll send one out early for next year.




Crap.

The good Lord as my witness.

After showing my family an email that said I made the Deans List for Fall 2011, I received a phone call today, February 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm.



"I'm proud of you. You can quote me on that."- David Evitts






And that's all I'm gonna say, about that.




BAM!!

23 Years

Last night I went to bed 22 years old, and woke up today 23 years old.


I have to be honest that I feel like I am 17 years old still. Except I can drink legally, and vote. So maybe not.

I felt very special all day, over 100 friends said "Happy Birthday" on Facebook, a ton of phone calls from family and friends and just overall a great day.

Things I have learned in my last 23 years. (In no particular order, I dont have to follow rules on my birthday)

1. Speaking of following rules.. "It was my birthday" is not a valid excuse to teachers or parents as to why someone else did my science project and actually just printed off two of his and we got busted instantly.

2. It is okay to be friends with your parents, and even ask them for advice, they really aren't the dumbest people on Earth like I thought at 17.

3. I learned that in order to win some, you have to bet some. (Can I get a six dollar six?)

4. If you want to borrow your sisters clothes make sure you A.Return it promptly with no stains and B. Don't take your sixth grade school picture in one of her shirts.. She will notice.

5. Even though you think that your Jeep is a racecar, Police don't agree... and tickets are expensive. Slow down.

6. Being Aunt Bells to Anthony, BB, and Monkey is a rewarding, but full time job.

7. If you actually apply yourself in school, before you know it, you will have a snazzy 4.0 GPA and will be smacked in the face with your last semester of college without knowing it.

8. Step parents are like soft padding for your parents. Run it by them first, if their face/response seems to show like this is a poor choice, rethink before taking it to the judges.

9. Don't assume that calling your stepmom will get you out of trouble because your dad works at the firestation... He will be off that day, and you will be busted.

10. It's totally acceptable to fall in love every vacation.

11. Your older sisters found you highly annoying for the first 10.. maybe 15 years of your life, but they will become some of your best friends.

12. Your mom knows everything. Seriously.

13. Everything you felt in high school really doesn't matter 5 years later.

14. Spending time with Dad at Bingo pays off.... literally.

15. Don't stick keys in the electrical outlet.. it will shock you.

16. Don't dye your hair blue... it looks stupid, trust me.

17. Thank your mom for never letting you get a tattoo.

18. Also, thank both of your parents for prematurely ruining your modeling/basketball career.

19. Blind dates are only for the blind. He will be a tiny man.

20. Keep your head up, it gets better and you'll forget what was so devastating.

21. Saying "my sisters mom" never gets easier to understand.

22. LUUUUB EAACHUUTTERRRS is a cure all.

23. Brother in laws are pretty cool to have, make sure you pick them wisely.

24. Having a puppy is like being a mommy. Good thing I have the CUTEST one ever.

25. Holiday sweaters aren't included in your tuition for becoming a teacher. You have to find those gems on your own.

I'm sure there are more, but my sweet little snow pea just came and snuggled in my lap, so I will take that as my cue.


Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so special. Can't wait for my next 23 years.